I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Randomize
