were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
