TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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