It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
