I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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