I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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