You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
