Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
