There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
