and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
