I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
