Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
