Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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