I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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