i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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