I wanna bring you to show and tell
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
