Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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