Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
