Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
