So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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