Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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