I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
