i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize