She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
