so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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