My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
