just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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