I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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