3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
