There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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