I'm so fucking centered right now
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
