Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
