nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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