I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
