Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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