I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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