11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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