I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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