A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
