He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
