I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
