Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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