the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
