Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
