Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
