I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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