I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
