Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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