I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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