How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
