i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
