im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
