pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize