My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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