It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
