2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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