i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
