exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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