On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
