I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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