dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
