I feel great
I just peed on a car
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize